How to Move On and Stop Being in Love with Someone
November 14, 2012
You just don’t realize it, but when you continue to love someone who doesn’t love you back, you are harboring one of the most hopeless feelings that ever existed. Because it is something out of your control, all the more that you should stop and look at the overall picture and start moving on. Here are some ways for you to start healing and getting over someone you love but doesn’t love you back.
- Find fault in the other person. This sounds unrealistic, but being in love involves overlooking the other person’s flaws and imperfections, big and small. If you focus more on the other’s person’s shortcomings, it can help you analyze further if being in love with this person is really worth accepting all of his or her negative aspects like being self-centered, always being late for meet-ups, showing outright disrespect to your religious beliefs, friends and family, being defensive, etc. He or she may be the sweetest or most thoughtful person in the world, but think again. Create a list of as many bad characteristics as you can; the more the better. Reflect on each item on your list. This way, you will get rid of the person you thought you loved in the first place.
- Throw away mementos like the stuffed toy from last Christmas, the love letter from this year’s Valentine’s Day or even the first rose he ever gave you from long ago. All these things use up space in your heart and you have to let them go in order to give way to someone new. You should think of each of these mementos as a memory in a balloon that will drift off and never to be seen again.
Consider giving away physical mementos in good condition to the Salvation Army or to a thrift store. A CD, a precious shirt or a teddy bear will definitely make new memories with its new owner that can represent the phase in your life while you are learning to let go.
- Stay away from memory triggers as much as you can. Don’t listen to songs that remind you of the person or go to your usual hangouts. If you have mutual friends, keep distant and spend time with other people instead or better yet, start making new friends. This might be challenging at school or at work, so what you can do is to change your usual routine like eating lunch elsewhere or walk new routes. Surrounding yourself with mental and emotional reminders will just prolong your agony and impede the healing process.
- Find strategies to divert your attention every time you start dwelling on the person again. When something triggers or reminds you of the person, distract yourself with something else. Learn a new instrument or language. Catch up with friends you haven’t been in touch with in a long time. Read the latest bestseller. Watch a movie. Find a new part-time job and earn extra cash for that dress you’ve always wanted. Take your mom out for that long overdue dinner you promised her. There are so many things you can try to keep yourself preoccupied and the more you think of the person less, the sooner you will get over him/her.
Saying things over and over in your head like “I can’t live without him”, “I will never stop loving her”, “I will not love again if it is not him/her”, “I won’t find anyone else like him/her”, etc. will not be beneficial, and you know it especially if this isn’t the first time you’ve ever loved. You just need to be able to admit that things will change and that all you need is time.
- Try something new. This essentially means for you to get out of your comfort zone. It has been proven that in order to break old habits and replace them with new ones, all you need to do is try something you’ve never done before or you rarely do and then form the habit of doing it. It doesn’t have to be something really outrageous and one good way to start this is to look at the things you do every day and see which one you can change. Start with your route to and from school or work; try a new route instead. Get into a new genre of music or start gardening. Believe it or not, you’ll never run out of things to try.
- Have you ever thought of how much you have already missed with this one-sided love affair? If you’ve been in love with this person for months and even years now, how can the one destined for you ever find you if you stay unavailable? You could’ve had the relationship you’ve been waiting for if not for your isolation and solitude.
- Start socializing again. Meet new people and make new friends out there. Give your confidence its needed boost by reminding yourself how good it feels when someone shows interest in you. You will soon realize that there are more thoughtful, better looking and funnier people – you just have to open your doors to them.
Rebounding may be an option but you just have to understand and be careful about the consequences that accompany it. The doctor may have suggested this option, but it is only effective if you really feel that you are emotionally prepared for it, you clearly understand that it is only a rebound and that the other person also clearly understands that it is only a rebound. It will not be fair to the other person if you make him helplessly fall in love with you just as much as you are trying to get over the person you are “in love” with.
- There is nothing to be ashamed of if you have loved but was not loved back. There are cases when a person can’t stop loving another, and this is not entirely bad. Loving someone involves sacrifice, time and effort even if it is one-sided or does not result into a relationship. As mentioned, time heals. The pain will eventually go away and you will soon feel better, and soon you will find someone new to love and cherish once more. The world is definitely in need of more love.
- Don’t give up and keep looking for someone new to love. As you think of that other person less and less, the easier it will be for you to find new love. It might take time, but you never know; sometimes you don’t have to look too far.