How to Get Over Your First Love & Move On
Breaking up is always hard, but figuring out how to get over your first love can sometimes be even harder.
October 22, 2012
Getting over your first love could be one of the most painful and difficult experiences in life. It is not just any break-up since this is the first person who taught you how it feels to fall in love and be in love. You believed that you’d end up together for the rest of your life. You planned for the future, to go to college together and live together in one house. Now that it’s over, you are frightened at the idea that you will never find anyone like him or her again, or fear that you will never be as happy as you were with your ex. There is no cure that works instantly to get over your first love, but give it time and focus on what you need is a good start.
- You have to understand that you need to reach the point of willing to get over your ex. It is usually really painful during the first few months to the point that you cannot even begin to move on and get over your past love. There are times that you may think of wanting him or her back as you develop this illusion that sooner or later, the two of you might still have hope. It might take some time before you begin to realize that in reality you no longer want to get back with this person because of hoping and choosing not to accept the truth yet. After realizing this need, you can effortlessly move onto the following steps.
- Stop communicating with your ex in any way. This may sound cruel, but it can help both you and your ex. It is possible that you will feel as if it is like shunning that one trusted friend you had, the person who truly knew you and understood you above everyone else. It is not a good idea to remain friends with your ex as you try to get over each other.
- Remember to not hook up with your ex. You will end up wasting all your effort in trying to move on if you do. The more that you don’t talk and see each other, the sooner both of you will be able to accept the situation.
- When you find any difficulty in moving on, think about the reasons why you two broke up in the first place. Recall the things you disliked or hated about him or her and the things you could not agree on. When you are experiencing heartbreak, it is typical for you to remember happy times and events that you had with your ex. However, this could be one-sided and this could lead to a failure to see the doubts, pains, hurtful words and disappointments within the relationship that tore you apart. You might belittle these painful things and end up denying them but they are more like a part of your relationship and such things affect it the same way as the good memories do. Don’t justify it if your ex cheated on you. You must understand that you will still find someone who would love you and would be faithful to you. Let this relationship teach you and be a learning experience on how to avoid the types who tend to be unfaithful and avoid being in a relationship with them.
- This relationship might have come to an end, but it does not inevitably mean that you will never find love again. You can talk to your parents and friends; find out how they were able to get over their first loves. Several people will recall how difficult it was for them, but they will tell you that they have found greater love and built better relationships later on in their lives.
- Always remember to take good care of yourself. You might find some difficulty in finding sleep or going back to sleep whenever you wake up in the middle of the night. You can try exercising or going for a long walk every day in the morning. It will certainly make you feel tired by the end of the day and it will help you sleep as soon as you go to bed. Aside from that, you will really be more physically fit from doing exercises. Exercise is a great way to cure depression since it is a good alternative for working out some of the challenging thoughts that are bothering you.
- It is better not to try to get through this on your own. The support of your friends is very important during this time and they will help you support you by being there for you whenever you need people to talk to. If you somehow forgot about them and they felt neglected, ask for forgiveness. Real friends would stay by your side no matter what and they will forgive you and try to help you especially now. Visit your family and meet up with friends and talk to them as often as you could. It’s nice to listen to others but talking to them helps you release emotions. If you let your world become bigger, your ex becomes less significant in your life. Do not ask your friends anything about your ex; remember the less you know about him or her, the better.
- Be open and truthful about what you really feel. It is unhealthy to pretend that you are okay when you are not, even if it is for the sake of yourself and others. You are allowed to be okay, and you don’t have to feel lonely all the time. People react differently to break-ups and because of that, you are allowed to feel passive or totally emotional. Don’t hold it in and start talking to people. The people around you will be able to help you if they know what is happening. Always remember that there are a lot of people who care about you. There are times that it won’t feel that way, but they are there to help you. Always remember that there are people who will understand and will help you.
- Crying is another way of releasing your emotions. Let it all out and you will see that you will feel a lot better. After you’ve shed all your tears, have happy conversations you’re your best friends afterwards. You’ll definitely feel a lot better.
- Break-ups can be a great opportunity to become the person you have always wanted to be. Use it as your motivation to take on a new goal such as learning a new language, instrument or skill. This is the right time to start striving to achieve these goals since you have more time to do them.
- Stay away from self-pitying by filling up your music player with the saddest love songs you know of. Sad songs can affect you and make you think of what went wrong and it will be more difficult to move on when you can relate to the lyrics of these songs. The lyrics were written by people who experienced or are still experiencing heartbreak and they end up writing songs and singing them as part of their therapy. Instead, start listening to happier, more upbeat songs instead with themes like surviving, living and starting over again. Listen to songs that tell you that you’re not the only one hurt or sad right now and that you need to stay focused in becoming happy once more. Music can be therapeutic; you just have to give it time. Aside from that, avoid watching too much sad romantic movies that make you cry. You might relate to the feeling of the characters’ loss but if you keep on dwelling on the story, you will just end up feeling sorry for yourself and this will not help you at all.
- Engage yourself in activities that will make you feel good or desirable. How about getting a new haircut or add highlights or colored streaks to your hair? Visiting the gym and buying a new outfit are also great ideas. Dress up and dance to club music in front of the mirror. Recall the times when your past love told you how beautiful you are and convince yourself that it really is true. Remember that someone else will come along and truly appreciate who you are and how you look like even more than your ex.
- Bravely endure the pain and the feeling of loneliness. The pain will eventually heal. Just ask yourself if you are a strong person who can get through this or are you a weakling that will fall because of a failed relationship. Don’t let weakness win over you. Keep your confidence and pride up, because there’s nothing better than that. Think that you are better off with him or her because someone who you believed that loved you but left is not worth your tears ever. Remember the quote, "Never cry for someone that will never cry for you."
As you grow into maturity, you will eventually learn to love another person. Be thankful for your experiences with your first love.
Realize that you have the ability and power to make decisions in your life. You can choose to be held back by this sad experience or you can learn from it and move on as a better and more mature individual.
Every relationship is a learning experience and there will never be a wasted relationship as long as you learn something from it. This might be just your chance to discover your personalities and habits and learn to change them for the better. You can become a more open-minded person. You might also find out that you’re a jealous lover, and you can definitely choose to become a better person in your next relationship.