How to Confront a Person Who's Giving You the Cold Shoulder

Tips to deal with someone who's using the silent treatment on you.
by Updated February 26, 2013

Being involved in a “silent treatment war” without knowing the reason why can be a source of great confusion, frustration and emotional pain. Thus, here are the steps that you can do to ease the tension between you and your “silent enemy”.

Precautionary Measures

1.) First of all, confirm the “war’s” existence. Your friend may ignore you unintentionally because of personal issues. So, just give that person the space that he or she needs or be there for that individual if he or she is open for another person’s comfort. However, if your friend is acting like you don’t exist intentionally, then it’s time for you to have a conversation with that person.

2.) If your partner is doing this to you quite often, then you may start thinking about whether you still want to keep this relationship or not.

3.) Look into yourself as well. You may have really caused the “silent treatment” to begin so go back in time and search for your fault in the situation. After that, make an action plan as to how you can make things normal again.

Talking With the “Silent Enemy”

1.) Prepare for the confrontation. Practice your “speech” in front of a mirror for you to maintain a calm voice and get your message delivered without letting anger overcome you.

2.) Talk to that person alone. An audience is definitely not needed in a situation like this. A private conversation would let both parties speak what they really feel without any form of interruption.

3.) Try to crack a joke. Your friend or partner may just be having a hard time and a joke might make that person feel better or break the silence.

4.) If step no. 3 did nothing to change the person’s attitude towards you, then you'll need to start to apologize. You must do this step even if you are still uncertain of your fault in the situation.

5.) Control your temper. Don’t be sarcastic and put all the blame on the other person. This will certainly push all your effort in making amends down the drain

6.) Make the person feel your sincerity and how much the relationship means to you. Never let your pride ruin years of love or friendship.

7.) Say your true emotions about the whole situation. Being in a “silent war” is one of the hardest things that a person has to go through so make sure that your friend or partner feels your pain. However, if the person persists to treat you in the same way, then it’s time for you to value yourself and walk away knowing that you have done your part. You must also let the party know that you never wanted things to end this way and that the ball is in his or her court.

After Saying Your Part

1.) It’s now time for you to hear the true cause of the “silent war” straight from your “enemy”. Keep your ears and mind open for you to realize what have really caused this whole mess.

2.) If they are still not ready to talk to you in person, then give them the time to “breath” and think for a while. Let them come to you when they have already settled the matter within themselves and you can already discuss about fixing your relationship from that point.                                                        

3.) After both parties have said their sides of the story and after you have stated your sincere apologies, then it’s up to your enemy if he or she is willing to start anew and put everything in the past. Apologize once and if you don’t get any response, then leave the relationship and gather yourself up once again.



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